


The (Almost) Omnipotent Chuck

by TheAllKnowingOwl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5 Things, Demonically Possessed Computer, Fate & Chuck Bromance, Hippie Fate, M/M, Writer Chuck Shurley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 02:06:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12973350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAllKnowingOwl/pseuds/TheAllKnowingOwl
Summary: In which being God does not always mean that you get what you want.Or, the one where Chuck's computer doesn't ship Destiel.(5+1)





	The (Almost) Omnipotent Chuck

1.

Chuck typed frantically at the keyboard, paying no attention to the flies buzzing around his squalid hovel.

' _"_ _Cas, not for nothing... But t_ _he_ _last_ _time_ _someone_ _looked_ _at me_ _that_ _way_ _,_ _I_ _got_ _laid_ _,"_ _Dean_ _said_ _amorously_ _._

 _Castiel_ _intensified_ _his_   _gaze_ _._

 _Dean_  s _hivered_ _,_ _taking_ _that_ _as_ _a_ _yes_ _,_ _and_ _,_ _moving_ _towards_ _him_ _,_ _took_ _a_ _hold_ _of_ _his-_

 **_ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR_ ** **_ERROR_ ** **** **_ERROR_ ** **** **_ERROR_ ** **** **_ERROR_ ** **** **_ERROR-_ **

_**_**BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP** _ ** _ _**_**!!!!!!** _ ** _

And with a quiet  _ca-_ _thunk_ , Chuck's computer crashed.

" _What_!" he yelled in horror, clutching at his hair. Quickly, he booted it back up again, cursing as his nervously shaking fingers misspelled the password twice.

 _Sigh_ _._

He sagged in relief at seeing that the file had saved. Clicking on it, he went to bring it up again and-

"What the-"

He closed it and opened it again.

There had to have been some mistake!

What had previously been the prelude to a new ship and several smutty chapters was now....  _This_ _._

 _'"_ _Cas_ _,_ _not_ _for_ _nothing_ _..._ _But_   _t_ _he_ _last_ _time_ _someone_ _looked_ _at_ _me_ _that_ _way_ _,_ _I_ _got_   _laid_ _,"_ _Dean_ _said_ _nonchalantly_ _._

 _Cas_ _strengthened_ _his_   _g_ _aze_ _,_ _the_ _look_ _i_ _n_ _his_ _eyes_   _beating_ _a_ _solid_ _'_ _No'._

 _Dean_ _sneezed_ _.'_

Chuck got up and went to pour himself a quart of whiskey.

"How did it even manage to autocorrect 'amorous' to 'nonchalant'?" he muttered to himself as he sipped his drinking despair.

 

2.

This time,  _t_ _his_ _time_ _,_  he was going to make it happen: Chuck had just raised Castiel back from the dead, and now he was going to have a reunion.

A reunion that may or may not end up in three rounds of... Well, you know what...

Chuck sipped a mug of peppermint tea, yelping as it scalded his tongue and put it down hurriedly.

' _Dean_ _lazed_ _in_ _a_ _deck_ _chair_ _in_ _Lisa_ _Braeden's_ _yard_ _,_ _his_ _face_ _upturned_ _to_ _the_ _sun_ _,_ _mind_ _too_ _turned_ _to_ _a_ _matter_ _of_ _blinding_ _brilliance_ _._

 _Or_ _should_ _he_ _say_ _a_ man  _of_ _blinding_ _brilliance._

 _He_ _sighed_ _,_ _wondering_ _where_ _his_ _trench-coated_ _angel_ _was_ _._

 _Did_   _angels go to_ _back_ _to_ _Heaven_ _after_ _they_   _died?_

 _Were_ _they_ _recycled_ _into_ _spare_ _grace_ _?_ _Reincarnated_ _?_

 _A_ _shadow_ _fell_ _across_ _his_ _face_ _as_ _he_ _pondered_ _._ _Looking_ _up_ _,_ _he_ _squinted_ _,_ _as_ _the_ _sun_ _created_   _a_ _halo_ _around_ _the_ _figure's_ _form_ _,_ _making_ _i_ _t_ _impossible_ _to_ _see_ _their_ _features_ _._

 _"_ _Lisa_ _?"_ _he_ _said_ _,_ _putting_ _a_ _hand_ _up_   _t_ _o_ _s_ _hield_ _his_ _eyes_ _,_ _and-_

 _"_ _You_ _!"_ _he_ _choked_ _,_ _standing_ _up_ _in_ _shock_ _._

 _"_ _Me_ _,"_ _Cas_ _agreed_ _,_ _looking_ _up_ _at_ _him_ _._

 _Dean_ _checked_ _him_ _over_ _for_ _a_ _moment_ _,_ _m_ _aking_ _sure_ _he_ _was_ _alright_ _,_ _the_ _stepped_ _forward_ _and_ _embraced_ _the_ _angel_ _._

 _Cas'_ _hands_   _fluttered_ _at_ _his_   _sides_ _,_ _then_ _went_ _up_ _to_ _cup_ _Dean's_ _face_ _,_ _pulling_ _him_ _down_ _for_ _a-'_

 **_DO_ ** **_YOU HAVE_ ** **_TROUBLE_ ** **** **_GETTING_ ** **** **_IT_ ** **** **_UP_ ** **_?_ ** **_TRY_ ** **** **_THIS_ ** **** **_NEW_ ** **** **_METHOD_ ** **** **_FOR_ ** **** **_A_ ** **** **_ROCK_ ** **** **_HARD_ ** **_****!_ **

**_KELLY'S_ ** **** **_HOUSE_ ** **** **_OF_ ** **** **_LOVE_ ** **_: OUR GIRLS ARE_ ** **_OPEN_ ** **** **_ALL_ ** **** **_HOURS_ ** **_!_ **

**_CONGRATULATIONS_ ** **_! YOU HAVE WON A MILLION POUNDS: CLICK HERE TO COLLECT!_ **

**_A_ ** **_HOT_ ** **** **_ASIAN_ ** **** **_GIRL_ ** **** **_IN_ ** **** **_YOUR_ ** **** **_AREA_ ** **** **_HAS_ ** **** **_LIKED_ ** **** **_YOUR_ ** **** **_PROFILE_ ** **_!_ **

**_THIS_ ** **** **_TIP_ ** **** **_WILL_ ** **** **_MAKE_ ** **** **_THE_ ** **** **_FAT_ ** **** **_MELT_ ** **** **_OFF_ ** **** **_YOU_ ** **** **_IN_ ** **** **_DAYS_ ** **_!_ **

"NO!" Chuck yelled as his screen and computer were overrun with pop-ups and adds. He reached to pull out the sockets from the wall, but in doing so knocked over the peppermint tea, dousing the computer.

 _Whoom_..

The entire street's power went out.

By the time it had returned, Cas was nowhere near Dean, and would not return for many months.

Chuck went and poured himself two quarts of whiskey.

 

3.

'"O _f_ _course_ _,_ _Cas_ _,"_ _Dean_ _says_ _. "_ _I_ _love_ _you_ _."_

It isn't until he saved the chapter that Chuck noticed the changes:

'" _You're_ _family_ _."'_

"Shit."

 

4.

This time,  _and_ _he_ _means_ _it_ _this_ _time_ _!_ Chuck is going to make it happen: Destiel is going to be. _God himself_ ordains it!

Scratching at his scruff and kneading his bleary eyes, he turned to the Dreaded Computer of Doom.

 _Fight_ _me_ _,_ _bitch_ _,_ he told the computer mentally. Antagonising it when it can hear him would only make it respond in kind.

'" _I_ _love_ _you_ _,"_ _Cas_ _rasps_ _from_ _his_ _position_ _on_ _the_ _floor_ _,_ _covered_ _in_ _blood_ _. "_ _I_ _love_ _all_ _of_ _you_ _."_

 _His_ _gaze_ _returns_ _to_ _Dean_ _._

 _"_ _I_ _l_ _ove_   _y_ _ou_ _most_ _of_   _all_ _."_

In the next few hours, he's written out how True Love's Kiss (administered by Dean, of course) saves Cas and they all live Happily Ever After, and went to bed, forgetting, in his sleep-deprived state to close the window.

Somehow,  _SOMEHOW_ , his neighbour's bloody cat has gotten in in the middle of the night, and has just gone to sleep on the keyboard, deleting everything past ' _I_ _love_ _all_ _of_ _you'_ _,_ before saving as it jumps up in terror when he comes thundering down the stairs.

Oh yes, and in those few moments of feline flailing, it has managed to install a password of complete nonsense, so he can never access it again.

By the time he gets off the floor from his teary tantrum, the events in the saved chapter have already happened.

Double, fucking  _dammit_ _._

 

5.

'" _Morning_ _sweetheart."'_

 **_Did_ ** **** **_you_ ** **** **_mean_ ** **** **_'Morning_ ** **** **_dude'_ ** **_?_ **

"No I did not mean 'Morning dude'."

'" _Morning_ _love_ _."'_

 **_Did_ ** **** **_you_ ** **** **_mean_ ** **_"Morning_ ** **_mate_ ** **_"?_ **

"No, I  _did_ _not_ mean 'Morning mate'."

'" _Morning_ _darling_ _."_

 **_Did_ ** **** **_you_ ** **** **_mean_ ** **_"_ ** **_Morning_ ** **** **_sunshine_ ** **_"?_ **

"No, I  _did_ _not_ mean "Morning sunshine", but if it makes you shut up, I'll type it!!!"

 

+1

"NO! HELLS BELLS ON SHITTING BLOODY MONKEYS OF HELLFIRE! FUCKITTY FUCKITTY FUCKITTY FUCK!  _WHY_! WHY MUST THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO  _ME_!"

"Woah, woah, woah,  _dude_!" Fate said, swishing her dreadlocks as she sat down next to him. "What's got your Will in a knot?"

"My  _computer_!" Chuck wailed. "Every time I try to make Destiel canon, from Castiel's introduction, my computer has autocorrected it to some platonic bullshit!"

"Creepy man," Fate murmured, frowning as she leaned forward to take a look at the menacing PC. "Hmmn... That's totally  _weird,_ _man_ _!_ "

"What!? What's weird!?"

"Your computer... It's  _sentient_ _,_ " Fate trailed off, waving a braceletted hand in the air to illustrate her point. "Like, it's been around you for so long, that it's soaked up some of your Will and become sentient. It's _actively_ fighting you, dude."

"But why stop Destiel?" Chuck hissed. "I've been planning this since before Dean went to Hell, it's invetible! The sexual tension is crippling me!"

"I don't know, dude," Fate said, standing up and rummaging for something in her hand-knitted bag. "You just can't predict who'll ship what: it's a dangerous business. I'm going to fix your computer,  it in the meantime use this."

"A notebook."

"Fate's very own," she said mysteriously. "It's bound to happen if you use it. 'Til next time."

 

' _"_ _Cas_ _!_ _CAS_ _!"_ _Dean_ _yelled_ _as_ _Sam_ _pulled_ _him_ _back_ _through_ _the_ _portal_ _._

 _A_ _few_ _moments_ _later_ _Cas_ _stepped_ _through_ _._

_Silence_ _._

_For_   _a_   _few_ _hopeful_ _moments,_ _Dean_   _actually_ _let_ _himself_ _believe_ _t_ _hat_ _they'd_ _won_ _._

 _He_ _shouldn't_ _have._

 _Because_ _now_ _his_ _angel_ _was_ _dead_ _._ _An_ _angel_   _that_ _he'd_   _never_ _truly_ _believed_   _could_ _be_ _his_ _._

 _Kneeling_ _at_ _Cas'_ _body_ _,_ _he_ _embraced_ _him_ _one_ _final_ _time_ _,_ _and_ _as_ _he_ _carefully_   _put_ _his_ _best_ _friend's_   _body_ _back_ _down_ _,_ _Cas'_ _hand_ _landed_ _on_ _the_ _mark_ _he_ _had_ _made_ _, o_ _h_ ,  _so_ _long_   _ago_ _, on_ _Dean's_ _arm_ _._

 _Suddenly_ _,_ _he_ _felt_ _a_ _burst_ _of_ _coldness_ _,_ _like_ _freezing_ _water_   _had_ _doused_ _the_ _area_ _that_ _Cas'_ _hand_ _touched_ _._ _The_ _sense_   _traveled_   _d_ _own_   _into_ _Cas'_ _f_ _reaking_ _body_ _!_ _and_ _throughout_ _i_ _t_ _._

 _Suddenly_ _, he_ _felt_ _a_ _burst of_ _awareness_ _,_ _of_ _love_ _,_ _alien_ _love_   _that_ _escaped_   _human_   _imagination_ _:_ _devotion_ _,_ _compassion_ _,_ _complete_ _and_ _utter_ _love_ _._

 _Suddenly_ _,_ _his_ _angel's_ _eyes_   _burst_   _open_ _,_ _shining_ _with_   _icy_ _blue_   _light_ _._

 _And_ _in_   _that_ _moment_ _:_ _he_ _knew_ _his_ _angel_ _l_ _oved_   _him_ _too_ _._

 

Chuck surveyed the work that he had done and knew that it was good.

 

**Author's Note:**

> ·The part with "Morning sunshine" autocorrect came from a post about the foreign subtitles. Apparently, all the 'corrected' endearments came from the subtitles when they translated Season 12 into different languages. Among those used were also 'Soulmate' and 'Lover'.
> 
> ·I don't think I really need to tell you about the last one.
> 
> ·In my fics, Fate is an extremely stereotypical hippie, and she and God!Chuck are bros.
> 
> ·Chuck's 'Will' is basically angel grace, but the inspiration comes from the Lord's Prayer: 'Your Will be done as Earth as it is in Heaven'.
> 
> ·I honestly can't believe I wrote this in under an hour
> 
> ·Also, cograts if you saw the reference in the last line.


End file.
